If you think that I need to be sued for writing this fic, then I must inform you that there is a legal procedure you must perform before you do so. First you must go to a crowded public park in broad daylight, strip down and jack off for thirty minutes while looking at a photo of your grandmother naked. I’ll wait here while you go do that…
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Oh, hi. Had fun, I hope? If you’ve actually done this, then it’s clear that you’re some idiot dipshit that I can safely ignore. If you were smart enough not to do all this, then you should also be smart enough to realize that I’m writing this fic strictly for purposes of the amusement of myself and of those reading it. I have nothing to do with the official DBZ industry, and I’m making no profit off this, as much as I’d like to.
Warning:
If you’ve read any of my DBZ fics before, then you know what to expect. In case you haven’t read any before, here’s the deal:
You cannot read further in you are:
If you fail to heed these warnings, I can’t be held responsible if a certain large, angry man with a lead pipe appears at your residence to vent his many frustrations on the people who don’t obey warnings
Note: I am very sorry for taking so fucking long to write this new chapter in my sick little world. I’ve faced a number of free time/computer access problems over the past few months. Fucking CEGEP. (College to all you non-Quebecois out there)
Gohan would say that he had a pretty damn good life at the moment. Granted, thinking about his traumatizing childhood where he was often beaten to near death, watched his father die twice, and faced certain universal annihilation on several occasions, he’d say that being a gorilla’s bitch would be better than that. But to think that he was now one of the most powerful beings in the universe, he had a lovely daughter, he was one of the most intelligent and rich men on the earth, he had a hot-ass wife, a hot-ass alien partner, and had hot-ass threesomes with both of them at least four times a week, he had it damn nice. Gohan arrived home after a tiring day of abusing his corporate power, making all the junior executives do all his work for him while he watched trash talk shows on the executive wide screen TV in his office all day. Gohan was particularly anxious to get home due to the fact that he and his two lovers had planned an SLP (Slimy and Lubricating Products) party in their bed. He darted through his front door and headed straight for the direction of the staircase leading upstairs to his room. On his way, he passed by his living room where Pan was sitting on the couch, watching some sitcom on TV, laughing her ass off. Just as Gohan was about to exit the room, he suddenly thought of something.
“Pan! Shouldn’t you be in college right now?” He inquired. Pan’s hoarse laughing ended abruptly as she realized that her dad had finally noticed she was home after a mere three months. Damn, he was smart!
“Dad, those college assholes were so completely unreasonable!! Most of the faculty actually made me work for good grades instead of just sleeping with them!!” Pan ranted.
“No!” Gohan groaned. “The point of college is to actually work for the good grades and therefore qualify for high paying jobs!!”
“Ooooohhh…hey, wait a sec! Why the hell would I want to do that?! I’m 22!! I’m plenty smart enough!” Pan retorted.
“Angel cupcake…” Gohan began “…you do realize that you’re wearing nothing but a bra, and it’s on backwards, right?” Pan looked down at her chest to see that only the back strings of her bra were covering her breasts, and not the nipples.
“OF COURSE I KNOW THAT!!!” She shouted irritably “It’s…um…the new style! It’s all the rage nowadays”
“Pan, I spent a shitload of my hard earned money to send you to that ultra high quality college and you have the intellect of a constipated moose!! I’m sorry, but you have to learn for yourself some real life experiences, even if it has to be the hard way. I’m cutting you off.”
Pan stared blankly at him.
“That means that I’m kicking you out of the house and not giving you any more money!!!”
“NOOO!!!!!!!” screamed the spawn of Gohan’s loins. “Daddy, you can’t do that! I’ll have to get a job! I’ll have to work! Then I’ll have to go back to college to get a semi-decent job and work some more! I won’t as much time to screw around with professional strippers!!! AND THAT REALLY FUCKING SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!” She screamed in a state of fear.
“I’m sorry, sweetie, but as your father it’s my job to make sure you mature into an outstanding, productive and pure member of society, just like me.” Gohan said sternly. Just then, Piccolo rushed through the living room and up to Gohan, wearing only his underwear and bearing a bottle in hand.
“Gohan!! Check this out! The sex shop across town just started selling this new stuff that works as both sweet whipped cream and industrial lubricant!! C’mon, Videl’s waiting for us upstairs!!” Piccolo said as he rushed past Gohan, giving him a hard slap to the ass as he went by. Gohan stood silent for a moment.
“Do as I say, not as I do! You’re still going out and getting a job!” Gohan said.
“Dad, you can’t do this to me!” Pan pleaded hysterically. “As my father, isn’t it your job to take care of me?!?!”
“Not when you’re 22! Now don’t be such a pussy! You’re a 1/4 saiya-jin, so you should have at least some kind of edge over other normal people out there.” Gohan said with urgency. “Pan, you’ve got such incredible huge potential to be an unbelievably fantastic person. If you just apply yourself, I know that you can become one of the greatest people ever to have…”
“GOHAN!!!” Came the voice from upstairs. “If you don’t come up now, we’re starting without you!!!”
“Just go out and earn your own damn living!” Gohan said as he hastily chucked his daughter out the door and locked it behind him before he hurried up to his room.